Only 3 days into 2012, and 2011 is already feeling like a far-off distant memory. I feel myself starting to block everything out, in an attempt to move forward in 2012… I have this problem of throwing out the baby with the bathwater in regards to my memories/experiences. If anything not-so-great is associated with them, it’s like my mind just automatically gives it the boot. Which is totally unreasonable, because this is life and things happen. I’m working on this.

All that to say, I’m already starting to forget 2011. This year was incredible! But I’m afraid I’m going to forget it. Because this year was hard, a true challenge. And I allowed myself to become so busy with the work, that I didn’t document it all in the way that I should have. So I want to give some reflections on 2011:

Some things I did:

1. I lived in a foreign country for nearly the entire year. This is a big deal. It was difficult, it stretched me, it made me reevaluate everything, and I cried more than I’ve ever cried before in my life. But it was so worth it. I’m a different person because of it, and I would just like to take a moment and publicly declare that I am proud of myself.

2. I learned a new language. Ok… if you ever want to TRULY challenge yourself… if you ever want to really push your mind… try to learn a foreign language. It’s tough stuff. There were moments when I thought I totally had it in the bag, and other moments when I would find myself so discouraged because I couldn’t communicate with the girl at the check-out counter. Learning a new language is hard, but I absolutely believe that it is one of the best things a person can do to improve themselves.

3. I allowed the Holy Spirit to do a significant work in my heart. This one is a bit too personal to share all of the details on my blog. But I can’t go without publicly recognizing that this year was monumental in my walk with the Lord. As I faced many challenges, I allowed the Holy Spirit to reveal many things in my heart that needed to change. I could have closed off and shut down, but I didn’t. I opened up to freedom in many areas and it was so worth it.

Some lessons I learned:

1. I’m not perfect and neither is anyone else. This is a completely juvenile concept that you would think I would have picked up on many years ago. But here I am, 26 years old and finally truly grasping the fact that I’m not perfect and I certainly can’t expect anyone else to be either. I’ve expected so many people to be perfect in the past and I experienced the reversal of this in 2011 and it wasn’t fun. God used that opportunity to teach me a lesson.

2. There is crazy amounts of power in my words and my prayers. When I came to Lima last January, I was urged to attend the church’s 2-hour prayer meetings twice a week. Quite honestly, this was a huge challenge for me. Before this, I had never spent more than 15 minutes in prayer a day and I wasn’t a fan of long prayer meetings. I pushed myself to go and the Lord truly began to change my prayer life. I began to see the fruit of my time in prayer, and I learned to pray and speak in a different way – knowing the power and authority in that.

3. Walking in freedom is crucial. It’s absolutely necessary that I walk in freedom and that those around me are also free. I hurt several people because of a lack of true freedom in my life, and I have also been hurt. I’m thankful for God’s unfailing grace and forgiveness, and for a greater understanding. I’m holding on to the promise in Romans, that God works everything together for the good of those who love Him.

I haven’t written so openly on this blog in years, but here it is. 2011 was a monumental year in my life… and I believe 2012 will be even greater.

Job 1:21

“ Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked shall I return there.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the LORD.”

Sometimes, I don’t understand why something happens.
Sometimes, I don’t want to do something that I’ve been told.
Sometimes, I don’t know why He’s forming me this way.
But I know my God is good.
And He has the whole big picture in mind.
Not just my big picture… but HIS big picture too.

It’s been a while. But this is all I really am thinking about these days. I want to be like Mary.
Luke 1:45-55

“Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord.”

And Mary said:

“ My soul magnifies the Lord,
⁴⁷ And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
⁴⁸ For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant;
For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.
⁴⁹ For He who is mighty has done great things for me,
And holy is His name.
⁵⁰ And His mercy is on those who fear Him
From generation to generation.
⁵¹ He has shown strength with His arm;
He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
⁵² He has put down the mighty from their thrones,
And exalted the lowly.
⁵³ He has filled the hungry with good things,
And the rich He has sent away empty.
⁵⁴ He has helped His servant Israel,
In remembrance of His mercy,
⁵⁵ As He spoke to our fathers,
To Abraham and to his seed forever.”

It’s been over 2 months since I have written here.
I’ve been processing internally and not sharing much
on the world wide web.

But my time in Peru is absolutely wonderful.
Sometimes, it’s really hard.
But only because God is teaching me so much…
and stretching my character…
teaching me to be who He wants me to be.
I wouldn’t trade this time for anything in the world.

This morning I was reading in Psalms
and this passage completely jumped out at me:

Psalms 4:6-8

⁶ There are many who say,
“Who will show us any good?”
LORD, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us.
⁷ You have put gladness in my heart,
More than in the season that their grain and wine increased.
⁸ I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;
For You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

God has put gladness in my heart!
I never realized before how much joy I was lacking before.
I’ve always been told that I’m a happy person,
but the enemy had stolen much of my joy in the last few years.

My best friend emailed me a few weeks ago
and she told me that she could hear my increased joy
just through our email correspondence.

Thank you, Lord, for restored gladness!
I will be joyful in the midst of all my circumstances.
I will declare the goodness of the Lord always.

In the last few weeks, I have been desperately craving
some worship in English.
I mean, I can listen to it on my laptop…
but my spirit has desired corporate worship in English.

I’ve been craving a time where I can feel the Holy Spirit
settle over me.
And sometimes it’s hard to get to that place
when I’m just trying to remember how to say the words…
much less, understand what they mean.

But today, I had a breakthrough.
During the services at church, I absolutely felt
the presence of the Holy Spirit settling over me during worship.
I wasn’t worried about the words because I’m starting to know them
and understand them.
and I wasn’t worried about the people around me.
It was just a powerful time of corporate worship.
I didn’t even think about the language!

And I needed that.
I’ve been worrying very much about a particular situation,

and asking the Lord to send His Holy Spirit to comfort me,
and guide me through this time.
God is faithful! He provided for me.
Oh how we’ve proved him over and over!

something funny about peru:

everyone has the exact same car alarm here.
seriously, i have memorized the official car alarm of peru.
i have not heard a different alarm to date.
and they go off every 5 minutes, no exaggeration!

and the funniest part is,
there is NO POINT to these alarms!
because no one even hears them anymore.

the alarms are just background noise.
no one attempts to turn the alarm off…
they just let it run it’s course.
no one jumps up and says
“oh my gosh, someone is breaking into my car!”
which, in my mind, defeats the purpose of the alarm, right???

why are people still using these alarms?
and why do they all have the exact same alarm?
there is NO POINT!

seriously, if you ask me,
i can sing the car alarm for you.
that’s how well i know it at this point.

oh peru….. it’s the little things that make me love you!

i have experienced trial by fire.

and i hope what remains,
after all of the junk has been burned away,
is something good and worthy for Him.

This song is incredible. Completely anointed and powerful.
And it’s so moving in my heart right now.
Just look at the lyrics:

You’ve made a place for me, silenced all my accusers
Leading me fort with peace, filled with joy I will follow
Your cross demands my life, now Your grace is my anthem
My soul can’t help but sing hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, we’re redeemed and made free
By the blood of the Lamb, we have won
Hallelujah, we will sing victory
Jesus conquered the grave, God be praised

Completely powerful.

In the face of my adverseries,
in the face of my troubles or my worries,
when I feel that I am nothing,
I will declare that by His blood, I have won…
He has conquered the grave and is worthy of my praise.

I tend to forget from time to time
that no matter what,
the King is still on His throne
and He is worthy of my praise.

today marks one month in peru.
i can’t even believe it!
the first month was crazy busy
and it seems like this is the pace i’ll continue at.

this time has been an array of emotions for me.

it’s been blissful, trying, exciting, and maybe a bit hard.
this time has been amazingly powerful, and wonderful.
but, i know that whenever i’m walking in God’s plan for my life,
the devil will do everything he can to distract me,
discourage me, dishearten me.

however,
i’ve had a tiny bit of time to sit and reflect.
(not much, but i’ll take what i can get!)
and my mind just keeps going back
to the faithfulness of God.

He is beyond faithful.
His ways are perfect!
His love is never-ending.

He is good.

so i will continue experiencing this adventure,
and pray daily that He will use me here.

Kari Jobe’s song “You Are For Me”
has been so perfect in this time.

i am in peru.

it’s surreal, to say the least!
i’m getting settled,
feeling overwhelmed,
feeling excited,

feeling many things.

it’ll all feel calm in a few days, i’m sure.

until then, i will enjoy just being here.
because this is the only time that i will experience just this.
“when i first moved to peru…”